Thoughts

This is an anti-lifting post... and by anti, I mean that there was none to be had, I have been that busy.

This last week and a half has been filled with activity centered around interviewing down in San Francisco, and accepting one of the jobs... and everything involving that.

One of those "necessaries" was taking general grievous (my car) into the shop to get worked on before making a long road trip. While I was in there, the guy was asking me questions about where I was driving, ect. I've been avoiding saying strait out where I work, because I've noticed that people just get snippy, and it's rather uncomfortable. So when he asked, I diverted the question by talking about the craziness... the social unrest, and everything else I saw brewing while I was down. He ended by saying, "and here you are swooping in there taking someone else's job." I told him that I do very specialized work that took years of study and preparation, and that not anyone one the street could walk up and do it, to which he replied sarcastically, "not like YOU, eh?"

I know what it's like to be in his shoes. I worked at grease monkey. I've worked places 10x worse. I can tell you from personal experience that being a caricature artist at elich gardens is way more degrading than being a cocktail waitress for a bunch of drunks and ending the night being expected to warm the laps of some local mafia members. I can also tell you that the job he has is a lot better than some of the shit I've seen. He wants to come and tell me that I'm taking SOMEONE ELSE'S job? You want to start telling me about being unemployed? It wasn't that long ago that I was dumpstering, starving, and scrapping.

You want to take my job? Come on, I'll fight every person who stands up and thinks they can. Pry it out my cold dead hands. Fuck you.

It makes me so mad, the level of expectation people have, like a bunch of birds with open cawing mouths. I've worked 3 jobs at once, two unpaid for experience, one a degrading waitress shift with 3 hours a day of bus commutes, and I've had to watch, smell and hear people eating next to me while I slowly starved. That memory is as clear in my mind as if it happened yesterday. I've never begged.

The worst part is that I have this sense of social obligation and associated guilt, as if I SHOULD be helping because I'm FINALLY in a position where I can. It makes me wonder why I even bother when I hear people like this. And the shitty thing is is that our society really does need some sort of shifting change, there are people out there who are NOT selfish who legitimately DO need help. It IS wrong to turn a blind eye... but you have to wade through mountains of expectant jackasses to get there. It's so disheartening.

Anyways, I know that lifting blogs aren't exactly the place to talk about these things, but I just needed to rant, and I have no other venue.

>:|