Monday, December 16, 2013

My Thoughts On The Desolation Of Smaug

Fun thought experiment for my Martial Artist/Fighter Friends:

    I was watching The Hobbit 2 yesterday (which I enjoyed, yep, I said it), and I got to thinking, if the races of Middle Earth had their own martial arts, which I figure they probably do, what would the be/be based in?  Here's what I came up with (this is just a few of the races represented in the movies, i'm not going to even try to hit up all 25+ including variants):



Dwarves: Definitely Sambo.  Those stout dwarven builds I think would give them quite a bit of leverage to work with and they're at just the right height to apply all those great sambo leg techniques.

Hobbits: Silat for sure.  Perfect height to strike upward into those soft, unprotected spots, very compact builds, great for moving around the body, and let's be honest, with feet like that, they can foot and ankle trap all damn day and not GAF.  Also, hobbits just seem perfectly suited to the karambit.

Elves: Kalaripayattu, given their penchant for flowing, continuous motion and longer range work.  Actually, I'd love to see one or more of the elves bust out a flexible sword in the next hobbit movie (or any movie involving elves)

Humans: Some combination of different classical western boxing styles, I'm thinking british and irish, with that Mexican boxer ferocity.

Orcs: Kajukenbo, but not just any Kajukenbo, we're talking Master Brother Abe Pilau Style.  Lots of super heavy upper body work, forearm strikes, and every hit breaks something.