i feel empty and deranged

        You know, so many martial arts allude to being useful, that is you think you're learning something that would get you through a fight until you actually have to try and use it against someone else who's trained, but any style where your test includes conditioning and drills is probably pretty serious.  By the time I actually got to the curriculum part of testing, I was already winded, probably from the 5 minutes of straight pad drills we did before the test really started.  And that's to say nothing of the black belt test, which...well...i won't spoil it for anyone, you'll just have to join a Kaju group and see for yourself.

        It's been a while since I wore new colors in any style, i keep saying it, but it's good to be back at the bottom again, it's good to be looking up the road and just being open to whatever comes next.  I think everyone needs a few opportunities like that every now and then, whether it's learning something new, moving somewhere new, etc...

"A person needs new experiences. They jar something deep inside, allowing you to grow. Without them, it sleeps- seldom to awaken. The sleeper must awaken."


C'mon...the path starts over here.
        You know, seeing all the advanced belts test and feeling that pull to actually stay with a style for a bit and really get good at it just hammers home how much I'm done being the job.  I'm tired of looking at my life in 2 year increments, but I wonder how realistic it is to NOT do that if I'm not working for myself at some point.  If i've learned anything about my skillset, it's that there's definitely an expiration date on it at just about any company i'm going to work for, and if not that, then my patience.  May I just need to suck it up for the greater good...Nah.  Might as well suck on a bullet at that point...God knows my life is stagnant enough in some respects as it is.

Today's TrainingTune: This Godless Endeavor - Nevermore